It's official...

I am in wedding crisis mode. My mother has now taken control, because I have lost the ability to care about pretty much anything wedding related. My countdown isn't till the wedding - its to the day AFTER.

I don't mind making the decisions, really. Well sort of. But the problem is putting them into action. Like the stupid invitations. They are just paper for chrissakes. I flat out refuse to spend more than $300 for a bunch of papers that will end up in the trash. Personally, I think that is too much, but I know that with all the postage and printing and nonsense, it just adds up.

I have been working at least 55 hours every week, getting up for work at 6:30 and finally falling into bed after midnight. I cried the whole drive into work today. I cried last night because I was trying to fix the stupid registry with the stupid china on it and I can't change the quantity (which I still haven't fixed).

I got into a fight with my friend Carolyn this weekend. She is making me so angry. In case you missed it, this is the same girl who made plans to go visit a friend in Texas when she had already known it was my bridal shower for at least a month. And I know she lives far and it would have been fine if she just didn't want to drive or something. It is that she is blowing me off for her Texas friend.

This weekend, we also fought about her blowing me off. She was fine on Friday because I came out by myself, Kevin just dropped us off and picked us up from the club. Then Saturday came around and she went to the football game with Kevin and I, and another couple - Kelly and Tucker (who were also staying with us at the apt). So she left and went to hang out with our friend Meghan instead of us. Then she invited people over to my apt to pregame without asking. At the bar, she and the other girls kept leaving us (the lepers...I mean, couples) out, not ordering our drinks with their and walking away without us. And then she acted like WE were being the rude ones when we sat at a table next to theirs instead of all milling around them like moths to a flame. So when we were about to move onto the third place of the evening (and one half of our couples were ready to pack it in for the night) I called her out on it. And she yelled at me about how hard it is to hang out with us, and that she doesn't want to be around couples all the time and she's sorry and so on blah blah blah. Then she walks away from me and up to another single friend and starts bitching about me and how I am being unreasonable. How insincere can you be? So I just went home with my horrible couple friends. Sorry I'm lame.

I hate having to worry about whether or not I can bring Kevin to things. They were staying at his apartment. I don't know why it would be expected that he wouldn't come out with us. I sometimes have this problem with my home friends. That is why it is easier and more fun to hang out with Kevin's friends, because they are couples. Actually, they are mostly married. So we are all in the same boat.

I hate having to leave all the time, and I feel like I am always saying goodbye to Kevin. And he'll look at me with these sad puppy eyes and say "I wish you didn't have to leave, and you could stay here with me" and its like a punch to the gut. It's only an hour and a half drive, not very far. But I feel like the way things are is too much. We've had all our weekends booked up since the beginning of June until the beginning of November...and then we'll be getting into the holidays and the impending wedding. It's like we're always playing catch-up, hurry up and wait. I'm just so tired. I'm just SO tired.