Been thinking about it...

Yesterday, my mother, grandfather, little cousin, fiance and I went to a spaghetti dinner at an area high school (yay fundraisers!) - the most random group ever. While we were eating dinner, my little cousin Paul, who is 6 years old (and if he heard this, he would be yelling, "YEAH but I'm ALMOST 7!!) asked me, "Meagan, when did you fall in love with Kevin?"

.....and I didn't have an answer. So I've really been thinking about it, trying to find the moment that I "knew" but I really don't think I have an answer.

Kevin and I met our freshman year of college...in our first class...on the first day. We had matching pencils - blue, with flowers and a girl's name printed on them. He sat next to me and right away, I knew there was *something* about this guy that I liked. He had a relaxed vibe, sort of shy. Four years in an all girls high school didn't teach me much in the way of socializing with guys, so we started talking about our matching pencils and I found out "Jenna" was his high school girlfriend. Right away, my hopes fell.

Kevin was also in my Freshman Seminar, a class that met once a week where we could talk about issues and new situations we were encountering during our first semester. At one point we had to bring in theme songs for ourselves - like a song that would play when we walked into a room in a movie. Mine was Avril Lavinge, "Things I'll Never Say." Cheesy, but I love it. For the most part, it seemed like people were picking songs that fit them. Then Kevin stood up - this 320lb, 6-foot tall guy, and played his song. It was this tiny voice singing, "Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken?" - a song by Kasey Chambers. It was comical, the difference that there was between this big guy, and this tiny song. He doesn't even remember it, but I do. And I went home and downloaded the song.

Once I invited him over to hang out with my friends (because I knew he didn't hang out with a lot of people at school) - we were going through a phase where we watched Old School, every single day. And he really came down, but we weren't there.

Freshman year, Kevin hated our school. He was going home every weekend to see his friends and his girlfriend. I really have that freshman seminar instructor to thank...she befriended him and convinced him to stay at the school.

Sophomore year, he and his girlfriend had broken up. A girlfriend of mine was dating a guy on the football team who wanted to set him up. They decided that my best friend Carolyn was the one. So even though I liked him, even though I was upset about it, I didn't say anything. I thought he had chosen her. Turns out, he thought she liked him and she thought he liked her and really, they didn't like each other that way at all. One night, our whole group of friends went out to the pier and on the way home, Kevin and I got to talking. About country music, of all things. But when we were talking, I found myself thinking, "Wow, this guy is really amazing. We could do this." Even Carolyn saw it, and was encouraging me. But I thought she was just being diplomatic, and we let it die off. ((Kevin remembers this conversation, and really regrets that we didn't let each other know how we were feeling...I just think that what came next really makes us appreciate how good we have it now))

Junior year, Kevin got back together with his old girlfriend. And I started dating, Other Kevin (aka Bad Kevin). We met at a party at the local nerd school, through mutual friends. We fell hard and fast. Looking back, I can only see how I let him control and manipulate me, never wanting me to be anywhere without him, needing to latch on to me. But at the time, I was happy (even though no one around me thought he was worth my time...). Of course there were good time, and many firsts - he was the first "real" boyfriend, the first love, etc.

Senior year I was single again. I would finishing school a semester earlier than my friend and it was ALL about having a good time. But I was lonely, and I still thought about Kevin. One time my roommate and I were talking before bed about Senior Ball and who we would take, and she said, "Well you can take Jimmy Tony (the nickname we had for Kevin)." Of course, I couldn't - he was dating someone. But I still really liked that idea.

The day before he was going back to school, Kevin and the Ex called it quits for good. And Facebook got the word out. My friends were texting me to make sure I had seen the news. I ran downstairs and told my mom, "Jimmy Tony is single and I love him and we're getting married." I guess I've been saying it so long that it seems like it's always been true. It was his roommate's birthday in two weeks, conveniently the weekend that I was planning to go up and visit anyhow. We found out they would be at the bar that we went to every Saturday to celebrate and I formulated a plan.

Kevin is NOT into the club scene and neither was the friend, but they went out anyway. And we saw them there...all my girlfriends wished Sven a happy birthday and we stopped to talk for a minute. Then we headed out to the dance floor. I went by myself to the ladies' room and on the way back, I stopped to talk to him. I said I got seperated from my friends and I couldn't find them. Kevin is tall and could see them out on the floor, dancing. But when I asked him to come out and dance with me, he accepted. He's not a good dancer, but I had SO much fun. The lights came on, but we weren't ready for the night to be over, so he drove home with my friends and I and came back for a beer. We stayed up until 7 am, just talking and sharing stories. And after that, I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon. (and if you recognize where that is from, you are my new bff.)

So as cheesy as it sounds, I guess I always knew. Like we had been looking for each other all along and just had to wait until the time was right.

So when did you know?