Confession

Lately, I have been consumed with the desire to procreate. It seems like everywhere I look there is a little baby or a pregnant belly. I admit it - I've got babies on the brain. 

Perhaps it is because we have a friend with a baby right now. Or because we haven't had any babies around in a long while - my cousin has two little ones (Harrison and Hayden (my goddaughter!)) but since she lives in Florida and we are in NY, we see them about twice a year, max. 

Kevin's concerns are purely financial, and I agree. At the very least, I think I should get a full-time job before we have a kid. Or something with more regular hours. Since we don't live close enough that we could rely on our families as babysitters, we'd need to figure something out with a daycare and its hard to do with I work hours all over the place, and Kevin worked a different shift every week. But on the other hand, if we keep waiting, we might be waiting forever. 

I am really hearing my biological clock ticking. Which is sort of puzzling to me, because I'm not even 24 (well, I will be next week, but that will be another quarter life crisis). I think because of all my internet exposure, I've come to realize that pregnancy is a hope, not a promise. If you are lucky enough to get pregnant on your own, even this doesn't guarantee you'll have an easy pregnancy, or end up with a healthy baby. I want a baby, but what I want more is to know that I can get pregnant, that we can get pregnant together. I know it seems like a silly worry but its the one I have right now. I don't want to find out five years down the road that its not going to happen for us and then be scrambling to figure something out before we get too old. 

So if you need me, I'll be right here,  listening to the *tick tock* of my biological clock. And keeping my fingers crossed that things fall into place...