Getting there...

Tonight my friend Carolyn captured me and we had a good old-fashioned girls night...mall in the afternoon, dinner at Taco Bell and movie in the evening. It was a lot of fun to hang out with my girl friends, but I was glad to get home too. 

Thursday is my birthday. I will be 24 years old. I am feeling about 106. I dunno. The desire to have a baby is only making me feel older, like time is RUNNING by me and I can barely keep up. I just keep thinking, "Holy crow, I'm almost 50!" ((think that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where he comes over to comfort her and she says "I'm going to be 40!" and he says "In 8 YEARS!"...."but its still out there."))

I know I am being silly but I want more from my life than to be working part-time for measly wages at a grocery store with a crap schedule. Being with my husband makes me so so happy but I have been unusually weepy lately and its kind of unnerving. It just seems like I should be farther already. I guess I have always been in a hurry. Call it the curse of the first child. I was 3 weeks early because I couldn't wait to get out, and I've been in a rush to grow up ever since. 

Fingers crossed, I can slow down and appreciate all that I have. Enjoy it!

Confession

Lately, I have been consumed with the desire to procreate. It seems like everywhere I look there is a little baby or a pregnant belly. I admit it - I've got babies on the brain. 

Perhaps it is because we have a friend with a baby right now. Or because we haven't had any babies around in a long while - my cousin has two little ones (Harrison and Hayden (my goddaughter!)) but since she lives in Florida and we are in NY, we see them about twice a year, max. 

Kevin's concerns are purely financial, and I agree. At the very least, I think I should get a full-time job before we have a kid. Or something with more regular hours. Since we don't live close enough that we could rely on our families as babysitters, we'd need to figure something out with a daycare and its hard to do with I work hours all over the place, and Kevin worked a different shift every week. But on the other hand, if we keep waiting, we might be waiting forever. 

I am really hearing my biological clock ticking. Which is sort of puzzling to me, because I'm not even 24 (well, I will be next week, but that will be another quarter life crisis). I think because of all my internet exposure, I've come to realize that pregnancy is a hope, not a promise. If you are lucky enough to get pregnant on your own, even this doesn't guarantee you'll have an easy pregnancy, or end up with a healthy baby. I want a baby, but what I want more is to know that I can get pregnant, that we can get pregnant together. I know it seems like a silly worry but its the one I have right now. I don't want to find out five years down the road that its not going to happen for us and then be scrambling to figure something out before we get too old. 

So if you need me, I'll be right here,  listening to the *tick tock* of my biological clock. And keeping my fingers crossed that things fall into place...

Putting on the miles

So lately I have been pretty busy traveling all over the globe for a variety of things:

-I was up in my hometown for a bridal shower. My cousin and his fiance who live in St. Louis are getting married in Connecticut in July and so we had a shower for them close to us so we could celebrate too. It was very nice to see everyone - the last couple times I had seen them, I was all busy with wedding plans and getting married, so I hardly got to spend any time with them. 

-Also while I was home that weekend, I stopped over at my best friend Kara's parents house, her mom was throwing a Pampered Chef party. I ordered a couple things, lusted after a LOT more and generally had a good time visiting with Kara. 

-That Thursday I was back up to hang out with my sister on her 21st birthday! WoohoO! My parents, Emily and I went out to dinner for hibachi (where I am also going for my birthday next week lol!) then out to a local bar for a more relaxed evening. The night before one of her friend's had thrown a surprise party and she had a few too many, so she was taking it easy. 

-Saturday was another bridal shower, this time for my future sister-in-law, Jennie. It was in a park about half-way between here and my home town, so only about 45 minute drive. It was nice to visit, this is one of the few times Kevin's family gets together. So, while there, a bug tried to eat my hand and now its all swollen and itchy, but on the mend.

-Ooh, also Kevin and I had a date night and we went to the movies and saw "The Hangover" which was HYSTERICAL! Seriously loved it. Tears were streaming we were laughing so hard. It was the goofy-funny we needed exactly. Then we came home and watched "Royal Pains", which we had DVRed. I'm really excited because we both like it and now we have a summer show. YahoO!

Enjoy it!